In today's episode of Target Chronicles:
It's a short story about a day in the life of a basic bitch. It all "stems" from my desire to buy this faux wood stump. You're probably thinking, 'Wtf is that?' It's a piece of furniture for people, like me, who want to look like they have the skills of a lumberjack, but are better trained at shopping in a big box store.
I had only a short window to make this pickup, so I rushed into the store with the plan in mind. You see, this item had a price sign showing $50 when I had caught a glimpse of it the last time I was at Target, a whole entire day before. I liked the look, and it was about a quarter of the price of real wood stumps on Etsy. I logged a mental note to look into buying it later. That evening, I had searched target.com for the item. To my surprise, it was listed at $99 and showing as not available to ship and out of stock at all nearby stores. Had someone purchased the last one from my store in those few hours? What was up with the price difference?
So the plan was to score a deal. I zoomed Diagon Alley across the store, all the way into the back corner where I'd seen the stump yesterday. There it was, in all its faux wood glory, a reflection of my own inner faux personality. I took a picture of the price sign of $50, grabbed the thing, and headed back Diagon Alley across the store to the register. I quickly realized I should have gotten a cart when I walked in. The thing was getting heavier as I walked. I do enjoy an opportunity to get in little workouts wherever I can though, so I stood in line with the stump over my shoulder, pretending to be a crossfit goddess exorting the same amount of effort that I myself would need to lift a credit card. I chose not to get in the self-checkout line, anticipating some price discrepancy drama. Why was the woman in front of me taking so long? As soon as I got past the checkout, I thought, I would dump the stump into a cart before heading out to my car.
Someone passing by on his way into the store looked at me and said something indistinct. I replied "yeah!" Can y'all ever understand what anyone is saying from under their masks?
But the next thing he said, I understood perfectly. "Do you want to take my cart? I'll just go grab another."
Defeatedly, I said "yeahh." What a great gesture that was! I hope I can pay it forward and pass on a nice gesture to someone else next. But did my crossfit goddess mentality not come across on my face, indicating a struggle? He wasn't wrong!
Armed with the cart, I had a literal weight off my shoulder, and was ready to face the register.
The cashier scanned my item while asking some version of "wtf is that?" Then, "Do you want to add a protection plan? Hard no? Alright, comes to $107.17."
I told him about the price sign and mentioned that I took a picture. A couple of managers were called over. I turned to the guy who had queued up behind me during this time, and j told him it might be a little while. He didn't look grateful for the heads up, but looked around frantically at the other registers. Manager 2 asked me about the picture I took. I showed it to her, and she scanned the barcode on the sign in the picture with her scanner thingy. "It's the same item," she told the cashier. "Go ahead and honor the lower price."
The stump is now settling in nicely in its new home, ready to show any post-covid-era visitors how cool I am.
